Most all of us know about the tooth fairy. She is a friendly, pretty, little sprite of a fairy. As children, we shed our baby teeth and put them under our pillows before we go to sleep, knowing the tooth fairy will come and take our tiny teeth and leave money or treat in exchange. This is a fun tradition that harms no one.
As we age, many of us are visited by the "old people's tooth fairy." This creature is not friendly. She is a sneaky, nasty, wicked, old hag of a fairy. She has a little bag of bacteria tied on her belt, and she pokes bits of the nasty stuff in our mouths as we sleep, causing gum disease. She also has an assortment of little hammers, files, knives, and nutcrackers that she uses to cause our teeth to crack, break, or loosen. I am not sure yet how she selects her victims, but once selected, she pursues the person with diabolical glee!
We visit our dentists to correct the problems she causes. We get fillings, crowns, root-canals, bridges, implants, and more to try to correct the harm she has done. No matter what we do, she keeps coming back. She loosens fillings, cracks bridges, breaks crowns, and does her damnable best to rob us of our adult teeth. She is relentless.
She has caused me much harm, so I came up with a plan. I laid in wait for her one night. She did not know I was awake. She did not know I had a club under the covers and a bird cage in the closet. I watched through half closed eyes as she crept in through a hole in the screen at the open window. I waited until she was close... Then I bashed her with the club, tossed a towel over her, and shoved her in the bird cage before she returned to her senses! She howled! She shrieked and chattered! "HA!", I said. "I've got you now, you old bitch!" She stood in the bird cage glaring at me. She wore big clunky old boots with tangled un-tied laces. Her skinny legs and droopy socks were dirty. Her tattered cloths clung to her fat belly and long sagging breasts. Her teeth were made of tooth scraps that she had stolen from people's mouths. Her wings were bent and ugly. More like wasp wings than fairy wings. She is an altogether horrible creature.
I learned many things after I caught her. There are lots of them. Millions of them all over the world, and they have territories. When you capture and cage an old people's tooth fairy, they cannot get out of the cage unless you release them. Your "intention" to keep them in is enough to prevent their escape. If you waver, or feel sorry for them, they can escape. I have to be strong and not let her lies move me. They can also escape if you try to take a photograph of them. For some reason I don't understand, if I take a photo..."poof"...she will be out, and I am sure she would steal every last tooth in my head.
I am working on a portrait sculpture of her, so I can show everyone what she looks like. It is difficult to do because she screams and whirls about in her cage when I try to look at her. It is very hard to sculpt such an uncooperative subject, but I will get the job done. Then, the secret will be out. Then, everyone will know what these evil tooth fairies can do and how to protect ourselves from them.
Copyright 2020
Kitty cantrell